I was at a party over the weekend with one of my best friends, and the topic of significant others came up. He caught himself feeling embarrassed when it became apparent he had never had a girlfriend. No one mentioned anything, but I could feel the judgment from some of my peers in the room.
I know that many people go through life without having a significant other at any point, just like my friend. Some people never find the right person to be with, which is completely fine and not weird at all.
It can be hard to talk about when it feels like everyone else has experienced something you haven’t yet, but it’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong or weird with never having a girlfriend (or boyfriend).
So during my lunch break on Monday, I brought up the topic to my colleagues (made up of counselors, therapists, and educators). I got so much knowledge, and I’m ready to share it with you.
First of all, if I wasn’t clear enough, never having a girlfriend does not make someone weird or abnormal. Everyone’s experience is different, and there are many valid reasons why someone may have never had a significant other.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s look at some reasons why someone may have never had a girlfriend.
Reasons Some People May Have Never Had Girlfriends
1. Fear of Commitment
It takes a lot of courage to commit to someone. Many people have fears that can stop them from pursuing relationships in the first place.
Caring so much about someone that if anything happens to them, you’d be devastated can make it hard to even open up and pursue a relationship.
2. Low Self Esteem
It can be hard to put yourself out there when you don’t feel good about yourself. People with low self-esteem often have deep-seated feelings that no one would ever want them–which can lead to avoiding relationships altogether.
3. Lack of Opportunity
Sometimes, never having a girlfriend is simply due to a lack of opportunity. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one without a significant other when everyone around you seems to be in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean there are no potential partners out there for you.
4. Not Being Ready for a Relationship
There are a lot of people who have never had girlfriends because they have actually never been ready for a relationship.
Some people don’t feel that they are emotionally ready for such a big commitment yet, and that’s totally understandable.
5. A Lack of Experience with Women
Lack of experience can sometimes be a deterrent when it comes to dating. Some people may not be as confident when it comes to pursuing relationships, so they decide to avoid them altogether.
Personally, this kept me single for a really long time until I broke out of my shell to try something new.
6. Not Having Time
Sometimes busy schedules at work, school, or home responsibilities can make it hard to find the time for relationships. This is especially true if you have kids or a demanding job.
7. Lack of Interest
Some people may not be interested in relationships with the opposite sex or want platonic relationships instead. That is completely okay too!
8. Shyness or Social Anxiety
Shyness and social anxiety can be huge obstacles to pursuing relationships. It’s hard to find someone when you don’t know how to approach them or are terrified of the idea of talking to a stranger.
What to Do if You Feel “Weird” About Not Having a Girlfriend
First of all, remind yourself that there is nothing weird or wrong with not having a girlfriend. But if you’re dealing with feelings of insecurity or loneliness, there are steps you can take to make yourself feel better.
1. Work on Building Self-Confidence
If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to get out of your comfort zone and pursue relationships. Working on building up your self-confidence is a great starting point for finding a relationship.
You can do this by challenging yourself to try new things, speaking positively to yourself, and focusing on the positive aspects of your life.
2. Get Out There and Meet People
When you’re shy or anxious in social settings, it can be hard to put yourself out there. But if you want to find a girlfriend, you’ll need to take some risks and get out of your comfort zone.
Start small by making an effort to talk to people when you’re out and about. This will help build up your confidence, as well as give you the opportunity to meet new people who could potentially become significant other.
3. Make Friends First
It can be intimidating to jump right into a romantic relationship without getting to know someone first.
If you’re anxious about pursuing something serious, start by making friends with someone and see if it progresses naturally from there.
Having close friends who understand and support you is also important for your mental health, so it’s a win-win situation.
4. Explore New Hobbies or Interests
If you don’t have many opportunities to meet people, it can be a great idea to try new hobbies or activities that will help you make connections with potential partners.
This could be anything from joining a club or sports team to taking classes at a local community center. Not only will it give you the chance to meet new people, but it’s also a great way to build up your confidence and try something new.
5. Find Professional Help If Needed
Over here at gingerside.com, we always encourage seeking professional help if you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, social pressure, or insecurity.
Therapy can be a great way to work through your issues and learn new coping strategies that will help you feel more confident in relationships.
Final Words
No matter what your situation is, know that it’s perfectly normal to not have had a girlfriend before.
Every person has their own unique journey, and you should never feel ashamed or embarrassed about your current situation.
Instead, focus on the things that make you uniquely you, and don’t be afraid to take chances when it comes to pursuing relationships when you’re ready.
